I Do Believe in SoulMates. I Do, I Do!...

Today I believe again, I witnessed the magic of love with my own eyes. I now believe that all things are possible when you experience love in its truest form. There had always been a pentacle of love that I wanted to reach, but as I got older the various realities set in and I started to lose hope that the level of love that I'd hoped to experience did indeed exist. Well, today my past hopes were confirmed and made whole again.

The director of my department, a strong, confident, and sometimes abrasive African woman who is also very personable, kind, and shockingly understanding to have the extensive amount of education, medical knowledge, and professional history that she does, showed me the wonderful magic love possesses.
I was in her office reviewing paperwork for an upcoming orientation with her. She was reviewing the revisions I'd made to various documents while simultaneously checking emails on her cell phone. While scrolling through her phone she casually says to me "My husband is on his way in the office." and I casually respond, "Oh he just texted you?' "No, she says. I just know he's coming. I think to myself, well, I don't hear him in the lobby talking amongst the other doctors so I ask, "How do you know that?" She smiles and points her head towards the door leading with her chin and says, "just watch he's going to walk through the door in a few seconds."Almost immediately after the last word had fallen off of her lips, in walks her husband. He stood in the door way with his confident, calm, and always welcoming demeanor; seemingly very opposite from the personality of his wife.  He looks back and forth at us and notices my jaw dropped in disbelieved and the pleasant smile of satisfaction on his wife's face and asks "What?" My boss answers, telling him how she'd told me that he was on the way into the office and how I just could not understand how she'd known that without him telling her. He replied "Yes, We do that to each other all the time.
Still in disbelief I repeatedly ask "How did you do that?" at least 3 to 4 times. "Are you sure he didn't text you or email you to tell that he was coming?", I asked.  She slid her cellphone towards me and replied, "Check my phone.  I've known that man since Kindergarten, we've been together 30 years, I can sense when he's near; I can just feel it." Filled with amazement, disbelief, and a rising feeling of optimism, I say to her, "I've never witnessed anything like that in my life!"
I swear to you right at the moment I Very Randomly thought back to the "Peter Pan" movie (2003) when tinker bell died because not enough people believed in her to keep the magic within her alive. So, Peter and the others shouted as loudly as they could. "I do believe in Fairies, I Do, I Do until Tinkerbell was willed back to life. The teenage/young adult woman in me who once dreamed of living out the scenes from various romantic movies that I so hopelessly watched and hoped to experience for myself one day, shouted as loud as I could inside my mind, "I do Believe in Soul Mates. I Do, I Do." "I DO BELIEVE IN SOUL MATES! I DO, I DO!" I willed my metaphoric fairy back to life. Today I believe in the magic of love again. I have always known that love is magical but somewhere along the way I allowed my fairy to die because I too like Peter didn't believe enough anymore.

The Weight of Excess Baggage...

A Metaphoric Epiphany:

On Easter Sunday I switched handbags. I had been carrying this large dark/burnt orange handbag around for some time; I had everything under the sun in it. Over time I guess I’d placed various objects in this bag as I needed them, but I didn't take the time to remove them as they were no longer needed. As I was cleaning out my bag I noticed that I’d been holding on to things that served no purpose. I had items that expired, objects that at one point may have been of importance but had been ruined by other items placed in the bag; I had things in there that just flat-out didn’t belong. All the miscellaneous objects that I’d placed in my bag created an unnecessary heaviness, I would find myself sort of bracing before picking up my purse; anticipating the access weight I was about to place on myself. I’d have to switch shoulders several times or lean toward whatever direction the bag would push me in so that I could accommodate the access weight caused by all these unnecessary objects.
I didn’t realize how much of a strain carrying this bag around was. When I switched bags on Sunday I only took the things that were important; the things I really needed. It wasn’t until last night that I realized how significant this simple change was. I went to grab an item out of my purse and I was able to locate it without having to scramble through all the things I didn’t need just to find the one thing that I did. It was such a small thing, but it was such a big deal to me. I smiled while looking down at the bag hanging off my wrist and thought “this is a beautiful thing.” This new handbag wasn’t any more beautiful than the other. It wasnt more beautiful because it differed in color or in shape; it was beautiful because it differed in weight. I wasn’t carrying around that excess weight anymore; I was no longer accommodating those unnecessary unpleasantries I'd placed in my bag, and it was a beautiful feeling.
I started thinking, “why isn't it as easy for me to remove the unnecessary weight out of a handbag but not out of my life” I Always accommodate my unnecessary unpleasantries. I often handle situations based on the person’s personality and not based on how I feel. If I feel like a person is unreasonable and I can’t talk to them and successfully come to a understanding, I just won’t say anything. If I know a person is going to lie I won’t even bother asking them to explain reasons behind their actions because I know I won’t get the truth. I will hold onto my hurt or anger and I won’t speak on it because I know I will get nowhere. By doing this I am creating an unnecessary feeling of heaviness and accommodating these objects that I have placed in the handbag better known as my life. This year I am going to eliminate the excess weight out of my life. I am going on vacations, I am planning My Wedding, and I am going to continue to make choices that I deemed suitable for my life. I apologize if you don’t get placed in this new handbag; there’s a weight limitation.
Have you cleaned your bag out lately? ;)

There's Power in Numbers!

Hope is an amazing thing! Today is the big day. People from all walks of life who may have never played lotto a day in their life have gone out their way to play for the $500mil jackpot. The one thing we all have in common is hope. While the odds of winning today’s lottery drawing is something like 1 in 150 million that hasn’t stopped any us from hoping and dreaming that we might be that lucky 1 out of all those million.

My coworkers and I sat down at breakfast and talked about what we would do with all that money. I told them that I would give most of mine away; I couldn’t spend four hundred million dollars in two life times. I would be just fine with a cool 50 :). I would make sure my family was well off; I would set all my friends children up with college funds, pay off debt, open small schools and hospitals in 3rd  world countries, and donate towards research and cures for different medical aliments, among various other things.

We are all daydreaming of the different ways we would spend the lottery winnings and that's what makes this drawing so special. A lot of people have forgotten about their troubles and are excited, happy, hoping, and dreaming for the time being. There will be millions of disappointed people by the end of tonight but, one lucky person will have the chance to make such a difference in several people’s lives; if they make the right choices. I wish the person who wins tonight’s lotto all the happiness in the world and I hope that winning will make all their dreams come true.

HAPPY Friday Guys…and if you played GOOD LUCK.

"Don't Shoot...She's just Hungry!!"

I know I'm not the only woman or person for that matter that turns into a complete monster when they are hungry. I have always recognized that I tend to get a little agitated when I am hungry but today I realized that there is a monster living inside me.

I started my day off late so I didn’t have enough time to get my coffee, knowing that I am nonfunctional without it I asked My fiancé to drop a cup off to me after he took the baby to daycare. He arrived at my job a little bit before 9. I run downstairs, grab my coffee and run back up just in time for my 9 o’clock meeting. Just as the meeting gets good and boring I pop open the lid of my coffee. The voices in the room slowly start to fade out and were replaced with the rising sounds of hymns from the heavens; I could see an angelic glow surrounding my cup of coffee as I drew it closer and closer to my lips. I closed my eyes and took one huge sip of heaven. Right after I swallowed the heavenly sounds came to a screeching halt and the voices of the various people shouting over one another all trying to be heard at once returned. I frowned my face up, sniffed my coffee, and started smacking my lips. My coffee had a weird after taste; it was as if I'd swallowed all the change found in the bottom of my purse. I lifted my cup and began to examine it,  on the side of my cup next to the word Splenda the number 8 had been written. "SPLENDA?, I can't drink this!", I thought! I paused, remembering that I hadn't had breakfast and it is normally the large cup of coffee sitting in front of me that holds me over until lunch. So, I attempted to suck it up and drink my metal flavored coffee. I tilted my head back, filled my mouth with coffee, and went for it. I took two huge gulps and realized that I just can’t do it.
15 minutes later after being in a meeting where people might as well be speaking a foreign language I begin to realize that I’m REALLY frustrated and more importantly Im Hungry. This is the first time I've gone without the proper dose of coffee needed to subdue the monster that lays waiting inside me, and I'm beginning to fear for the safety of those around me! The meeting ends and I text my fiancé to ask if he'd make yet Another trip to my job to bring me a bagel because at his point its 11:00a, I'm starving, and it's getting harder to control this hungry beast. He says he’ll be here by 11:30 which is great and much appreciated but at this point I’m frustrated, irritable, and snappy. I try to continue to ignore the beast so I decide to focus my attention on getting some work done. Before I can even began my tasks I am asked to attend a 11:30am meeting that begins at 11:30.  The meeting I'm asked to attend has Nothing to do with my job but my presents is requested because of my "HR expertise." -_-  (Do you realize that your meeting  is coming between me and my food?!?) The monster started to surface. I said  “you want me to go to a meeting in 15 minutes?? What is this meeting about, do you need me to speak, do you have any materials for me to look over, and don’t you think this is kind of short notice?? I could tell by the person’s body language and facial expression that my tone was not the most welcoming but, in my defense I was not myself at the moment.

While in the meeting my fiancé texts me and says that he can’t find his wallet so he can’t bring my food. All I saw were the words Can't! Bring! Food! I Lost it! If you have ever watched a scene from twilight, underworld, or any other movie where a human transforms into a ware wolf then you can pretty much imagine what happened at that point. I felt the beast in me starting to come out; I had to leave the room. On my way to call my fiancé I felt the bones in my back breaking and shifting, my finger nails started popping off one by one and exposing sharp grey claws. Before I knew it I was climbing up walls, rushing through closed doors, pouncing on people, and growling loudly in their faces as spit came flying out of my mouth. I was viciously attacking innocent people in search of food.

“Oh God! Call security, CALL SECURITY. "Security, We need help on the 6th floor!  There is a beast in our break room, we think it’s one of our coworkers. She’s attacked quite a few people but right now she’s on top of the vending machine attempting to break it open.”

Security arrives with their guns drawn. At this point I have transformed back into human form and I am sitting on the vending machine, shoeless, clothes torn to shreds and a bag of chips in my left hand. One of the coworkers screams “Don’t shoot…She’s just hungry!!!"

This is pretty much what happened on my way to the break room to get a snack….more or less LOL. I feel much better now that I’ve eaten :D

The Expectation of Reciprocation

We all enter a friendship or relationship with a certain level of expectation. Over time your expectations of a person lessen or heighten based on your experiences with that individual. The more negative experiences you have with a person the less you expect of them, and of course the less negative the experiences the higher your expectations.
The problem lies in what you decide to do when your expectations aren't being met. How many times are you willing to adjust your friendship or relationship to fit your lowered expectations? Is the goal not to have a person’s expectations of you exceeded? I can't say that it is normal to have to adjust your level of expectation, but I can say that it is something that a lot of us have done at one point or another. Is it really okay to let someone get away with hurtful or unacceptable behavior because that’s what you expect of them? Would you be more disappointed by the negative actions of someone you held at higher level of standards than someone you did not? I’ve never thought about any of these questions until very recently.
I asked myself, what would be worst, that your expectations of a person are so low that you are not surprised by their negative actions or that a person you expected so much from has wrong you in such a way that they lowered your expectations of them?
The mistake I often make when setting expectations is that I don’t take into account the way someone is/was in a current or past relationship with someone else. I’m more of a clean slate type of person. Since I believed that the dynamic of a friend/relationship is based on personalities and also on how compatible the expectations you’ve set for one another are; I didn’t believe that you could base your expectations for Your relationship with a person off of one they have or had with someone else. (A belief that I need to reevaluate)
Would you befriend a person with a history of questionable behavior? Would you enter a relationship with a person who has cheated or been promiscuous in the past? Would you trust the word of a person who is known for lying? You might, and most of us probably have but did so with caution.
I can honestly say that I have entered into situations unguarded where most would have entered with hesitation and much caution. I thought it wrong to judge a person based on their past history with other individuals.
My thoughts have always been that if you lead by example and treat a person the way you feel they want to be treated they will do the same for you in return. Life Experiences will teach you that in most cases you cannot set expectations for a person based on the hopes of reciprocation. Why can’t you trust a person to treat you in the same manner that you will treat them? There are several reason why you can’t always expect someone to reciprocate but, one of the main reasons is that they just may not hold your expectations for them at as high a value as you do.
Going into any situation where a person’s personality or past history does not reflect what it is that you are expecting out of your relationship with them; may very well possibility result in disappointment or having to hear a lot of I told you so's.
My fiancé said "it's not the expectations in people that should be lowered but the value of having a good person in their life that should be held higher. A lesson he can attest to because he had to learn that himself :) Wasn't that sweet/smart of him?..I tell you that man is truly coming into his own lol. :)
I can appreciate a person who can acknowledge their faults are learn from them; it’s those who see no errors in their ways that concern me.

Hypersmash.com

"She's Not That Married!..."

"Was there a rapture of love that I don't know about? Has the God of love left me behind with all the more earthly people? Was I not worthy? Are we in purgatory?" Those are the words of my coworker following a conversation that left me feeling awkward to say the least. I can't make this stuff up. So I'm at work today and we're doing a little chit chatting when one of my coworker says to myself and the woman standing with us  "Did you see Denzel in his new movie? He's so handsome, he doesn't age." The other coworker responds "Oh i'm married" Mind you the other woman is too. So, in a confused tone of voice coworker #1 replies, "Yes, I know, I am too. Co-worker 2 says "yea I don't see anyone past my husband." Please be mindful that this is Denzel Washington we are talking about, not the mail guy, not the head of surgery; Denzel!  I'm in the observation period being that I am the new girl, which means I'm watching everybody and everybody is watching me. I'm a neutral party when it comes to all situations at this point.
While I may be good at biting my tongue Im not as good with hiding my facial expressions. So with widen eyes and a slightly titled head; I reply in the most professional and friendly voice possibly, "Thats really sweet, how long have you been married?" She replies, "I've been married 10 years." Before I could get another word out co-worker #1 belts out. "Ten years and, you've never looked at Denzel?!" She goes on to ask co-worker 2 a series of retocical questions. "Well Did you see Malcolm X?" "-Yes" "Did you see Devil in a blue dress?" "-Yes" "I know you saw training day, right?" -"Yes." "and your telling me you never looked at Denzel?! Child I go to the movies by myself if Denzel is staring in it."  Coworker #2 looked at her with the upmost most disgust and says  "Yep, I've been married 10 years" and walked away. In my head I could hear the screech from the microphone as she dropped it on her way off the stage *laughing*.  I had to press my lips together as tight as possible to keep my jaw from dropping.  I thought to myself, this is a prime example of how differently women view what is acceptable and unacceptable in their relationships. I mean this woman could not believe that another married woman was raving about the looks of another man. These two women had to be between 45-55. In an effort to try to turn a embarrassing and awkward situation around coworker # 1 says, "Was there a rapture of love that I don't know about? Has the God of love left me behind with all the more earthly people? Was I not worthy? I mean God,  Are we in purgatory? She's not that married!" She gestured as if she was looking for me to cosign her opinion. I quickly replied. "I haven't seen Safe House yet"

My fiancé' and I were cracking up when I told him this story. It may have just been due to my mocking tone of voice designated for each party involved along with the facial expressions though. Anyway, I had to share this story with you guys!