The problem lies in what you decide to do when your expectations aren't being met. How many times are you willing to adjust your friendship or relationship to fit your lowered expectations? Is the goal not to have a person’s expectations of you exceeded? I can't say that it is normal to have to adjust your level of expectation, but I can say that it is something that a lot of us have done at one point or another. Is it really okay to let someone get away with hurtful or unacceptable behavior because that’s what you expect of them? Would you be more disappointed by the negative actions of someone you held at higher level of standards than someone you did not? I’ve never thought about any of these questions until very recently.
I asked myself, what would be worst, that your expectations of a person are so low that you are not surprised by their negative actions or that a person you expected so much from has wrong you in such a way that they lowered your expectations of them?
The mistake I often make when setting expectations is that I don’t take into account the way someone is/was in a current or past relationship with someone else. I’m more of a clean slate type of person. Since I believed that the dynamic of a friend/relationship is based on personalities and also on how compatible the expectations you’ve set for one another are; I didn’t believe that you could base your expectations for Your relationship with a person off of one they have or had with someone else. (A belief that I need to reevaluate)
Would you befriend a person with a history of questionable behavior? Would you enter a relationship with a person who has cheated or been promiscuous in the past? Would you trust the word of a person who is known for lying? You might, and most of us probably have but did so with caution.
I can honestly say that I have entered into situations unguarded where most would have entered with hesitation and much caution. I thought it wrong to judge a person based on their past history with other individuals.
My thoughts have always been that if you lead by example and treat a person the way you feel they want to be treated they will do the same for you in return. Life Experiences will teach you that in most cases you cannot set expectations for a person based on the hopes of reciprocation. Why can’t you trust a person to treat you in the same manner that you will treat them? There are several reason why you can’t always expect someone to reciprocate but, one of the main reasons is that they just may not hold your expectations for them at as high a value as you do.
Going into any situation where a person’s personality or past history does not reflect what it is that you are expecting out of your relationship with them; may very well possibility result in disappointment or having to hear a lot of I told you so's.
My fiancé said "it's not the expectations in people that should be lowered but the value of having a good person in their life that should be held higher. A lesson he can attest to because he had to learn that himself :) Wasn't that sweet/smart of him?..I tell you that man is truly coming into his own lol. :)
I can appreciate a person who can acknowledge their faults are learn from them; it’s those who see no errors in their ways that concern me.
Hypersmash.com
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